Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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