Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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