i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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