i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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