is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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