I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
