I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
