you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
