u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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