It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
