Kiss
Puke
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
