Its about making memories worth repressing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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