i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
