IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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