Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
