We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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