come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
