Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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