i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
