Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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