Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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