so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
