I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
