I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
