my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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