Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
