My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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