are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
