I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
