Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
In America we eat man semen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
