I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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