i barfeds in our rink
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
