Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
