Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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