Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
