Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
