the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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