ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
