Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
