I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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