k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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