Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do herpes really smell.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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