But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
