I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
