At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
