Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
