OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
