My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
