I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
