I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
