I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I cockslap morals
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
