The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
