and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
