Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
