gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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