My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
