I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
