I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize