walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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