Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
