I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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