yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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