it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
