wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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