Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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