I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This toilet bowl is my home.
ok first of all what the fuck
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
