have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
