the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
