Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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