What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
