I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
