Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
