No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
