I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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