i need an iv and a liver transplant
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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