I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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