You just made me feel so damn special
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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