I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
PS: I just woke up from my shower
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Couch. On fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
