Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
