His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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