drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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