I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
