I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
