Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
