She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
