I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
