I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
