dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
