Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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