Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
