I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
