You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Never joke about your clitoris.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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