Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
