I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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