As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
