Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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