I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
