I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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