I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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