shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wanna go halves on a baby?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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