Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
