my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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