I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
