Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize