And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
