is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
