it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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