Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
