i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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