I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
