absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
