I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
