Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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