You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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