He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
