Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
