i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize